How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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