i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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