His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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