there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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