I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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