Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I met the friendliest cop last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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