she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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