I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They have beer where we have blood.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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