Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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