it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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