I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize