Im at strip club and am horny
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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