I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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