So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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