How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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