Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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