There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize