Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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