I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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