I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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