You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I smell like Dick and happiness
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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