you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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