he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize