Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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