you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize