Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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