at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize