My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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