I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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