Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize