Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize