i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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