I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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