My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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