I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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