I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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