GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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