me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize