My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize