i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize