I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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