it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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