Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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