she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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