You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize