life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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