so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
True college students do jello shots in the library
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