wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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