im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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