I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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